Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
