And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
