I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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