Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
