And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
