your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My life is pants optional.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
