ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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