my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
