hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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