I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
