Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
