i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
