Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
