I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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