drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
