I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
