can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
