I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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