we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
