My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
