Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
