Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
