I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
