we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
