Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
