Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
