im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
