So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
