Having a random hookup so left but love u
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
