He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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