The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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