upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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