it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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