i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it because I queefed?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
