I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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