I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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