you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize