Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
