i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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