How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
worst night to have a conscience
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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