They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
