It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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