Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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