Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
