well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
