i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
are you so shy because you have an std?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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