I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
