I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
