So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
