Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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