forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
