Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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