I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
