I'm so fucking centered right now
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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