he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
