Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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