no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
