apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
