If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
