I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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