you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
