I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
