i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
