Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
