You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
