im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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