Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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