I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
