A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
